Sunday, 28 March 2010

How to kill a slug. Method 1

The best way to kill slugs depends on two factors. The first being how much work you would like to invest in eradicating slugs from your garden. The second is how much suffering you would like the slugs to go through.
The salt method appears to be the favourite method and the beer method often fairs high up on the list of slug disposal methods. I have decided that a more ingenious method is required. (Patent pending)

So I would suggest a single entrance to a box. If you want to add character then I would put the box on small stilts with a short ramp leading up to the entrance. You need a trail of beer leading the slugs to the trap from the floor outside, then along the ramp and then once inside this ‘slughell’, across to the saucer of death. Once in the trap I suggest the inner walls to be covered with sandpaper. This will help to make the slug sore if he tries to escape via the wall climbing method. I would actually have sandpaper on the floor as well just to ensure his arse is well and truly red raw. Then once they have slimed their way to the beer saucer the final piece of the plan is put into action.

Placed at the top of the box is a salt grinder. This is spring loaded on a coil and then wired directly to a pressure pad around the saucer. The slug, sore from his journey across the 60grit coarse sandpaper, has finally made it to the Caffreys, and you can see the perspiration glistening from its optical tentacles when it suddenly hears a click. The slug knows at this point it’s a trap. He also knows that it will take him 13 minutes to turn round and get back out the box. He tries to shout to the other slugs making their way down the ramp only to realise that he has no voice box yet.
He looks up and the salt grinder starts to twist. Suddenly it’s raining salt. A few grains hit Mr slug.
“Ow”, he squeaks. Obviously the noise only in his head because he has no voice box. Then more grains gently drop and he slowly starts to dissolve. Three minutes later the salt grinder stops spinning. To the right the next slug is slowly walking across the sandpaper like a very pale sunbather running across very hot sand without flip-flops on.

The base of the box requires holes to be drilled into it using a size 4 wood drill bit (if you are using wood for your box) this allows the slug juice to run freely from the base of the box. this can be collected in another saucer and be disposed of safely.

I have also hidden darts infused with diatomite in the walls of my slug trap. These are designed to be released if any slug makes it to the actual beer in the saucer. The darts are pulled back into holes in the side of the wall. Held back under tension via an elastic band which is hair triggered to a sensory pad at the centre of the saucer. 
Overall this method removes and slowly kills all slugs. If you are willing to fit a night vision camera in your slug trap then you have great video material for any home party.

Next week I will discuss my slug training coarse, in my quest to discover if slugs could make worthwhile pets

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