Amsterdam Part uno

Just recently been to Amsterdam, went with my good wife who I will further be known as Carol because that's her name. I decided it was time to try the weed so I can finally say I have done it. So where better to try this than somewhere where it is legal.
Bus to airport £3.50. Flight £8.20. Train to Dam square £3.60. Hotel room £50. For everything else there is MasterCard and wow are you gonna need it. Priceless. A single, I repeat single vodka and coke in a small glass, £7.50.
Other than acquiring a second mortgage, lottery win or successful bank raid to buy a drink in Amsterdam, the place is fantastic. It's efficient, clean and friendly. The women are tall sleek and gorgeous and without trying to sound gay, so are the men. They are friendly and all so damn fit, riding their bikes everywhere and unlike the French do not seem to be playing that game where they get extra points for knocking a British citizen over.
Back to the alcohol issue, a plan was required. We executed the plan to perfection. It was as follows. Visit supermarket. Buy three litres of cheap house vodka. Acquire two still waters (the type people carry around while walking). Getting the drift yet. Empty contents of water and refill with contents of cheap vodka. Visit pub. Buy two cokes. Add water type fluid to cokes. £13 saving per round. Done.
Like here in England, smoking is banned from pubs etc. However unlike here they seem to take no notice. Before the anti-smoking league go up in arms there did seem to be a system. Some pubs were smoking and some pubs were not. A choice. Now there is a novel way of looking at things. Something that seems to have all but disappeared here in the UK. I don't know about you but for a supposedly democratic society I don't feel as though I get much choice in anything much nowadays.

I'll get to the weed part of this story later, probably in part two of this longer blog (well I am reviewing 4 days).

So now we have discovered how to get drunk cheaply and have left markers on every corner so as to be able to find our way back to the hotel it was time to explore a little. This meant finding the Red light district.
At first it seemed a rather small area, eventually though you realise it is actually much larger and many people never possibly see it all. I spent twenty minutes thinking that all these scantily clad women were rather taken by me and wanted me for free until Carol told me that all the girls kept winking at her. Wounded.
You eventually realise it's broken down into areas. Young, black, M.I.L.F, G.I.L.F, Latino, dragon, chicks with dicks etc etc. ( I must stress that GILF should probably read GINLF)
One minute I am pretending I'm not noticing the scantily clad eastern European micro bikini clad hottie. Then we turn the corner and I am faced with, well a description isn't that easy. The best way to describe her is 'Jabba the Hut' and if you made love to her on the reinforced bed you would surely burn your arse on the light bulb after you had trekked your way up.

I think I will leave it there and come back soon with Amsterdam Part deux where my first attempt at smoking Pot was my last, and without talking to Frank at all.