Bath night at our house

Wednesday evening Carol told me she was going to have a nice long soak in the bath. I had all ready showered earlier but you can't beat a soak in the bath in the evening. So I asked her to leave the water in as long as she didn't pee in it again. She agreed.


I continued chilling with a glass of wine and eventually the call came. I got my bath robe, fetched a book and even considered which scented candle. I was looking forward to half an hour in a deep warm bubbly bath with the waft of vanilla and jasmine. (I'm straight, honest).

“av dane in the barf babe,” she shouted. So I made my way upstairs. Entered the room and was greeted with the following. The pictures below show the bath scene that greeted me

As you can clearly see from the first picture where I have placed the tin of shaving foam, that the water was 13mm deep. Because you can't properly appreciate the depth, the second picture shows my finger which is actually touching the base of the bath. She even used bubble bath which in a bath that size would have required dipping her finger in the bottle and then running finger quickly under the tap. I shouted to no one in particular that I wanted to be bathed no sautéed. I can sneeze more liquid than this bath. Children in Somalia get more bath water than this. If she had of peed in this bath it would have been a 70% urine mix. We are not even on a water meter. We can if we wish, use as much water as we please.

I did attempt to get into this bath and first of all I stood and noticed that the water did not rise above my big toe. I then thought I would stick with it, mainly out of sheer curiosity and rolled around twice like a crocodile with a kill to get myself as wet as possible. I was now three quarters wet and sitting in an albeit dry bath. This was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I have scorch marks where my damp arse chafed against the now dry bath surface which was sticking to my skin like araldite. I have been required to apply germoline to my third degree plastic burns. I never managed to get damp from neck upwards.

I climbed out of the bath, obviously didn't bother with a towel as I was still dry and flushed the toilet. Which incidentally used more water than my bath.
After some discussion I was firmly informed that this amount of water was sufficient for washing ones flu.

Now I know.