Poodle Poo. It's the way foward. It could save the world.

Whatever happened to poodle poo? This is the question I have been asking people recently. The picture here shows a typical poodle. Now I always thought it was this dog that dumped the white stuff.

If you are above a certain age you will remember with fondness this white, chalky dog shit. Because of the dryness of the poodle poo, if you fell in it or trod in it you could quickly shake it off your foot. No one was any the wiser and you didn’t have to worry about smelling like, well like dog shit. You had no need to stick your trainer under the tap in the kitchen and while using one of your mum’s best knives, work the lumpy bits out. No poodle poo just fell away. Unlike the sloppy brown stuff that we come across nowadays. We even used to flick poodle poo at passing nerds with specially fashioned sticks. If you tried to impale poodle poo it just crumbled. It was as though they shit something that had mummified and a simple prod would make it crumble like Dracula after the stake has been rammed home.

Has anyone ever seen a sloppy poodle poo? I think not. As much as I hate poodles, they knew how to shit. Today in our picking it up of the floor world, poodle poo would have been easy. You could have whacked it with a stick a few times and watched as the wind blew the dust away. Think, how many plastic bags would that save. This could be the answer to our global warming crisis. How much gas is emitting from a typical Labrador log or a shiatsu shit, they are both sloppy and you can see the gases emanating from them and killing the atmosphere. Then take the fly problem with dog shit. You never say flies fighting with each other to get munching a poodle poo. It would have been like eating a dozen Jacobs cream crackers without a drink.

I have been walking round Long Eaton for three days with camera waiting for anyone walking a poodle. They have seriously gone out of fashion. The poodle that is. In the end I had to use a library picture of a poodle. I wanted one bent over forcing white playdo type substance from its arse.

I am undergoing his research because I read that white dog doo was simply a result of dogs being fed more bones in the ‘olden days’ and that back then dog food was bulked out with bone meal. Unlike today when they eat horsemeat. And yes the meat mainly used in dog food is horse.

I will keep you up to date with my research, but don’t sit back and do nothing. Do you want to leave a better world? A world where our children and their children can breathe good clean air. A world where the ozone has not all but packed up and fucked off. A world where you can go back to playing blind mans bluff on the park. Knowing if you fall over and knee lands in the dog shit, you can simply brush the offending dust away. If you, like me believe that poodle poo is the way forward then lets fight this war together.

We want, we need. No fuck it, we demand. Dogs shit white.
Bring back Poodle poo!