Today on the bus

Do I have twat tattooed across my forehead. The bus was late, what should be a 39 minute journey took one hour and twelve minutes and although the bus was only a third full I made the mistake of sitting in the lower deck. Let me explain, our bus is a single Decker bus, about half way down there is a small step to a slightly higher level towards the rear of the bus. Why this step is there I have no idea, I am no engineer. It does however appear to be a hidden gateway to opposing dimensions.If you are unfortunate enough to not be in possession of a OAP bus pass and you happen to sit in the front half of the bus you are taking your life into your own hands. The golden girls tut, complain, make snidy comments and sometimes even ask you to move to your own area. I was quietly reading my book when suddenly one of the vinaigrette's sat next to me and her friend sat in front. Never mind there were many empty spaces available. I was trapped.After 30 minutes I can now profess to be a world expert on stress incontinence in people over the age of 60. I can tell you that no longer will I ever get stress incontinence mixed up with urge incontinence. With urge incontinence the bladder muscle squeezes at the wrong time. I think younger women may call this squirting.This conversation was being held in the obvious belief that everyone on the bus wished to know that lady A was as damp as sponge dropped in a bath.Then at the back of the bus a phone went off. The poor lad who was about 21 answered the phone and was about to ask the caller to call back as he was on the bus. Lady B turned and said to anyone that would listen "tttt the young ones, they have no respect, answering phones on buses, do they think we want to listen to him on the phone, I think phones should be banned on buses, don't you agree Mavis"she looked at me while answering this and said, "yes, but at least he hasn't sat in our seats" I am at job club now, wondering what else could possibly go wrong