There are a few things that are getting on my proverbial tits. A few of them are
Go compare dot com. No go jump off a cliff and die dot com. Oh and if you didn't know, comparison websites don't exist to offer you cheap deals. You will always get it cheaper by going direct. They exist to gather your details, which are then sold to third parties such as insurance companies (this is how the Spam and junk mail companies get your details)
How come Maybeline can sell mascara and put in the small print that the eyelashes are not only false but also that the picture has been enhanced in post production. That actually means computer generated. Can you imagine the meltdown if everyone advertised this way? I don’t even wear mascara and this advert makes me want to masturbate outside their UK offices with a large banner saying wankers!
Superloos
on trains are not super. A few weeks ago when travelling from Leicester to Long Eaton. I pressed the button, it opened and a poor old lady was squatting over the so named Superloo, everything visible. It sort of reminded me of a dead badger that had gone grey. Paper in one hand, arse perching a few inches above the seat, hand ready to wipe, front to back But remember, these are Superloos. The super meaning that the toilet is that far away from the door and button that should the door open then you are fucked.
When drunks on a Friday night decide they want to fight with either door staff or police they suddenly assume king fu poses. They look stupid. When they do this wouldn’t you love it if the other person took out a gun and just shot them.
Cafes without toilets. What they are saying is, buy our coffee, drink it now fuck off. I personally think everyone should buy a grand latte, get a couple of napkins, drink said coffee, feign stomach ache and curl one down in the empty vessel, couple of wipes and drop the paper on top of the now re steaming mug. Pull up your pants and move on to next café.
Lemsip. Of all the cold and flu relief citrus flavoured powdered drinks its Lemsip wh
o actually claim to be based on science. We have Lemsip, Lemsip first, agent Lemsip, Lemsip double action, Lemsip extra strong and probably if you look hard enough Lemsip bird flu fuck you.
Oh but wait a minute, isn’t it just a crushed paracetomal that tastes a bit lemony. So if you would like to save about five quid next time you have a sniffle I have created a recipe that even Gordon Ramsey would be proud of.
Ingredients two paracetamol, refreshers and hot water. Then proceed with as follows.
Boil water, crush tablets, crush refreshers, mix, pour water, stir, drink done.
I could go on, but blood pressure might not take it.
Go compare dot com. No go jump off a cliff and die dot com. Oh and if you didn't know, comparison websites don't exist to offer you cheap deals. You will always get it cheaper by going direct. They exist to gather your details, which are then sold to third parties such as insurance companies (this is how the Spam and junk mail companies get your details)
How come Maybeline can sell mascara and put in the small print that the eyelashes are not only false but also that the picture has been enhanced in post production. That actually means computer generated. Can you imagine the meltdown if everyone advertised this way? I don’t even wear mascara and this advert makes me want to masturbate outside their UK offices with a large banner saying wankers!
Superloos
on trains are not super. A few weeks ago when travelling from Leicester to Long Eaton. I pressed the button, it opened and a poor old lady was squatting over the so named Superloo, everything visible. It sort of reminded me of a dead badger that had gone grey. Paper in one hand, arse perching a few inches above the seat, hand ready to wipe, front to back But remember, these are Superloos. The super meaning that the toilet is that far away from the door and button that should the door open then you are fucked.When drunks on a Friday night decide they want to fight with either door staff or police they suddenly assume king fu poses. They look stupid. When they do this wouldn’t you love it if the other person took out a gun and just shot them.
Cafes without toilets. What they are saying is, buy our coffee, drink it now fuck off. I personally think everyone should buy a grand latte, get a couple of napkins, drink said coffee, feign stomach ache and curl one down in the empty vessel, couple of wipes and drop the paper on top of the now re steaming mug. Pull up your pants and move on to next café.
Lemsip. Of all the cold and flu relief citrus flavoured powdered drinks its Lemsip wh
o actually claim to be based on science. We have Lemsip, Lemsip first, agent Lemsip, Lemsip double action, Lemsip extra strong and probably if you look hard enough Lemsip bird flu fuck you.Oh but wait a minute, isn’t it just a crushed paracetomal that tastes a bit lemony. So if you would like to save about five quid next time you have a sniffle I have created a recipe that even Gordon Ramsey would be proud of.
Ingredients two paracetamol, refreshers and hot water. Then proceed with as follows.
Boil water, crush tablets, crush refreshers, mix, pour water, stir, drink done.
I could go on, but blood pressure might not take it.
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