Long Eaton's disability scooter brigade

I was thinking about the OAP in camo that I mentioned the other day. The one that was obviously a lesbian according to the lady with the shopping cart. This got me thinking about another trait peculiar to this area. The disability scooter. Long Eaton must be the home to the motorized scooter. They are everywhere. Mondays are a nightmare. There will be convoys of them heading into town, all insisting on riding on the roads at 4.3 mph.

A couple of months ago two men from Long Eaton were fined for racing their disability driving machines along the duel carriageway, the wrong way. People whiz around corners and create havoc with their air horns and one old lady even has a fox tail dangling from the back of her scooter, connected to one of those 1970 whip ariels. You know the ones, Eighteen year old lads attached them to the old escort mark one. I have even observed one with alloy wheels and full CB radio system attached. Ten three its an OAP, good buddy.

But there is something different about the disability scooter brigade of Long Eaton. In most towns and cities the people who drive these things normally appear to be obviously in need of one. Often you can spot the give away signs. Limbs appear to be missing or they appear to be really quite old and on their fifth hip. Hooray for these people, they deserve one. The electric scooter helps these people. I think they should all have one.

Yet Long Eaton appears to be full of people who appear to be just lazy. Or are scooters now also just for fat people too who find it difficult to eat and walk at the same time and just can't be arsed to walk. These things are not cheap. I know I have checked. They must be saving their job seekers and buying their own. I can not believe that some of the people I have seen operating these things are getting them from the NHS. Well I hope not.

I saw a guy using one a few weeks ago. Waiting patiently outside a shop while his companion fetched his steak bake and two jumbo hot sausage rolls. What of it you may ask. Well the following Saturday I saw this very same man bopping upstairs in our very own night club. He had managed to get into town, fetch his own drinks, climb stairs and do a really good impression of shit dancing, without a lift of Stennah stair-lift in sight.

Then there is another local celebrity. I will keep his identity a secret but he does have an obvious disability and may be related to Jeremy Beadle. For this reason he has a motorized wheelchair (not being related to Mr Beadle but his hand). He also has some walking issues. The bastard uses it to pinch shopping from Tescos. He said it was great for storing beer under the seat. He was recently caught and barred.

I wanted to get something that could help with my shopping, would involve less carrying. Asda dot com I hear you shout. That might be OK for busy people but I still want to get some exercise. So I need a bike version of a scooter that also carries shopping. I think this does the trick. I can cycle it there, do my shopping and then walk it home. Eventually I can fit a battery to the side and motorise it.

Orders on a postcard please.

My final point to today's blog is the visible thong. Now I have been researching this subject since I old enough to masturbate. There appears to be a definite disagreement between the sexes on this issue. I have posted a picture here of a woman who is showing her thong while bending down. The question is this. Does it look good or bad. Is the visible thong sexy or off putting. do you find yourself looking away and tutting or looking closer and twitching.

Comment with your vote please including your sex, M or F. This may well help me in my continued scientific quest to get to the bottom of this important issue.